i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
