btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize