i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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