i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
