You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
