Ambien. No doubt about it.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
