what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
