he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
