it was like eating out sand paper
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize