Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
