I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I love you. Go after that dick
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
