just tell him i said nine months
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
