did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
