frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
