get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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