I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
there was a trapeze. enough said
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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