I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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