how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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