Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
