Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
