Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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