Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
we're so committed to being not committed
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
