Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The best revenge is premature balding
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
