he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
