Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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