Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think I died a long time ago.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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