Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
