gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
