He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
