Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize