What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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