you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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