that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
