I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
