Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
