He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
