onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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