The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
