There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
