I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
