i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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