I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just gargled with NyQuil
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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