I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize