Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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