hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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