I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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