Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
