i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
