Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
