I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
