Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
