I'm really into asian looking animals
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
