Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
