Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Life is so much better after having sex.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
