The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
