Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
