Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
