There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
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