dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
