Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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