its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
