The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
