WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
