I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
