this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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