She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
