i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
