Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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