Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
