I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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