I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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