He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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