we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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