Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
