you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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